


A Little Conversation.

by itsnotaboutlove



Series: We Two Fools [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Just a lot of sex talk up in here, M/M, Oral Sex, Sex Talk, mentions of anal sex, whoa sex.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-24 06:43:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotaboutlove/pseuds/itsnotaboutlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jim and the girls talk about their sex lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Conversation.

**Author's Note:**

> God help me, what have I done? 
> 
> I literally cannot believe I posted this.

“I bet you that married sex is the best sex ever,” Gaila giggled, as she took a sip from her tenth cocktail of the evening. “Scotty and I are going to have the _best_ sex come Friday, after we get married.”

 

Jim snorted, “Shut up,” he shook his head, as Nyota and Melanie giggled. “Just because you’re gonna be married, doesn’t mean the sex is going to be better than it is now.  It’s still sex with the same person.”

 

Gaila shrugged, “Whatever,” she sighed. “All I know is that I’m going to be having the best sex _ever!!!”_

Christine came over from the food cart, balancing a tray of fruit in one hand and a beer in another. “Oh god, are we talking about Scotty and sex?” she asked, her nose wrinkling up. “Can we not?”

 

“Why?” Jim asked, as she sat down on the lounge chair. “Are you jealous that Scotty might be a bit better than Jan?”

 

“Oh please,” Janice snorted as she carried over a platter of chips and salsa. “First off, we’re not attracted to men.”

  
Jim rolled his eyes, “And second, I don’t think you should be comparing me to Scotty,” Janice finished, giving him a cocky grin.

 

Melanie sighed, “Are we going to talk about sex?” she asked, leaning back in her seat. “Because I’ll be the first to say that I’m the one having the _best_ sex out of all ya’ll.”

 

Nyota gasped, “You are not!” she shook her head.

 

“Oh god!” Jim cried in disgust. “I do NOT want to picture Spock naked and thrusting into you, Ny!”

 

“Do you think I want to hear about you and Leonard going at it?” Nyota asked, glaring at him. “Like the whole flight from New York to Edinburgh! The “Oh my god! Last night, Bones pinned me down on the bed and fucked me so hard, I saw stars and spoke in tongues’!” spiel you gave me!”

 

Melanie gasped, “James! You’re supposed to tell me about all the wild sex!” she exclaimed. “I told you about Chris and I going at it in the sauna the other morning!”

 

“WHAT!” Gaila screeched, nearly spilling the pink concoction on herself. “YOU AND CHRIS FUCKED IN THE SAUNA!?”

 

“We had the opportunity to do it and we did!” Melanie shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. “I mean it was six in the morning…”

 

Janice frowned, “What the hell were you doing up at six in the morning?” she asked. “Did you two wake up out of a dead sleep and decide to go downstairs to fuck in the sauna?”

 

“Jet lag is a horrible thing to two old people like Chris and I,” Melanie pouted, as the others giggled. “No, we were up after taking that long nap earlier in the day. We thought it would be fun to work out in the gym and try the sauna afterwards. Didn’t really plan on having sex in there..”

 

Jim grinned, “Oh Mellie… my little whore in training,” he sighed happily. “You should try the terrace of your room next time.”

 

Melanie reached over to grab a chip from the plate, “Oh, Chris and I already did it on the terrace,” she shrugged. “Last night.”

 

“Oh my god,” Nyota snickered, as she shifted on the love seat. “This is bullshit. The craziest place Spock and I ever had sex, was in our shower. And don’t even get me started on wanting to have sex in the living room! He wouldn’t even go down on me after our movie was over.”

 

“Sucks to be you,” Christine shook her head. “You gotta tell him what you want, Ny. Get a little dominate with him if you have to, because you’re heading into the land of the old folks. Like my parents, who stopped having sex after my little brother turned five.  Which was like….twenty years ago.”

 

Nyota groaned, “Cheer up, Ny,” Jim patted her knee. “Maybe slip a few drinks into his hand and you can have your way with him after the wedding.”

 

“Fuck you all,” Nyota shook her head. “You can all get your boyfriends and girlfriends to do whatever and my boyfriend is like a repressed virgin.”

 

“Let’s play a game!” Gaila announced, waving her hand at them, ignoring the groans of protest. “Raise your hand if you ever used a sex toy during intercourse with your current partner!”

 

Janice and Christine held their hands up, along with Gaila, while the others sat quietly. “God, you are so boring,” Gaila tutted, shaking her head. “Jimmy? Be a dear and ask the next question!”

 

Jim sighed, “Hmmmm,” he tapped his chin. “In the last twenty four hours have you given a blowjob or gone down on someone?”

 

All hands went up around the room, “God, we’re such a slutty bunch,” Janice snickered. “In the last twenty four hours, have you been on the receiving end oral _stimulation?”_

Christine elbowed her, giggling as she raised her hand. Gaila’s went up quickly, followed by Jim’s and Melanie’s.

 

“I heard you too,” Jim shook his head, as Melanie smirked. “You’re so _loud.”_

“What can I say?” Melanie shrugged. “The way Chris uses his tongue is _magical.”_

“I also heard some slapping,” Jim said. “And not the kind of slapping that occurs when you’re getting nailed into the bed. I must say…. I never thought Chris was capable of being such a freak in bed.”

 

Melanie snickered, “Oh my god, I know!” she shook her head. “Out of the very few people I’ve slept with, Chris is by far the best.”

 

“I would hope so,” Janice laughed. “I mean, you’re going to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him. The sex better be that good in order to do that!”

 

Christine snorted, shaking her head. “Mellie says he pulls her hair and fucks her until she’s screaming his name,” Jim nodded.

  
The girls squealed and giggled, as Melanie rolled her eyes. “We don’t always have sex like that,” she said, as Jim rolled his eyes. “There are times when it’s nice and romantic.”

 

Gaila gagged, “Chris knows when the time is right to be rough or not,” Melanie continued. “We both have our limits and we respect each others limits when it comes to having sex.”

 

Nyota shook her head, “How you’re not pregnant by now, is beyond me,” she said. “The way you two are heading, you’ll be pregnant before you set a date for the wedding.”

 

Melanie shrugged, “It’s not like we’re going to hold off babies once we get married. Chris and I want to start right away and hopefully we’ll have two kids after five years.”

 

“Oh please,” Jim rolled his eyes. “As soon as you pop out the first one, you’ll be popping them out like a pez dispenser. Babies left and right.”

 

“But they’ll be the cutest little babies ever!” Christine cooed. “All blonde with blue eyes! You and Chris are like… Disney characters. Royalty.”

 

Nyota snorted, “Oh god, here we go,” Janice shook her head. “Chrissy here, believes that you and Chris are the picture of the “American Dream”, in which you’ll move into the suburbs or a fancy brownstone and shop at J. Crew and Williams Sonoma.”

 

“That’s sad,” Gaila pouted. “J. Crew is boring.”

 

“Okay,” Jim clapped his hands. “Back to the sex questions! Okay… besides myself, who’s gone to the dark side and did a lil’ anal play?”

 

Gaila’s hand shot up like a firework, as did Christine’s and Janice’s. “You shoved a dildo up there?” Jim asked frowning, as they shrugged. “Wow.”

 

Before he could ask another question, he saw Melanie’s hand go up and nearly fainted.

 

“Bless my stars! Miss Mellie McCoy has opened the back door for Mistah Christopher Pike?!” he gasped, clutching the front of his shirt. “I feel faint! Nyota, darling, can you fetch me a mint julep.”

 

“Oh stop!” Melanie shook her head, blushing furiously. “And I don’t think you can really consider it anything because he barely made it all the way in before a started screaming.”

 

Jim pouted, “You poor thing,” he shook his head, while Gaila giggled. “Please tell me you two prepped before hand.”

“Of course we did!” Melanie gasped. “I would never let him go in without the proper prepping and whatnot. I had to do a bit of research before hand on how to even start, you know.. with the fingering and lube and shit. Most awkward sexual experience of my life!”

 

“It was painful because Chris has a huge dick,” Gaila snorted, covering her mouth. “It’s so obvious, because Mellie walks all funny after they do it.”

 

Nyota hushed her, taking her drink away, while Melanie blushed. “I’m sorry it wasn’t a good experience for you,” Jim said, in all honesty. “It’s not for everyone.”

 

She nodded, “It felt like I had to shit but in reverse,” she mumbled, as Janice snickered. “And I felt so bad because Chris was a nervous wreck during the whole thing. Didn’t help matters when I started screaming and crying.”

 

“I hope he took care of you afterwards,” Christine shook her head. “I’ve seen some horror stories in the ER with anal play gone wrong.”

 

“He drew a bubble bath in our one person tub and I gave him a blowjob the next morning after he took a shower,” Melanie mumbled, before a giggled escaped her. “He was so good about it though, after I calmed down and whatnot. After that, we made a list of things that are off limits.”

 

Gaila sighed, “You’re so boring,” she mumbled, sinking lower into her seat. “Are you two like.. the boring missionary position the entire time?”

 

Nyota sighed, “Gaila, shut up,” she shook her head. “Not everyone is colorful like you.”

 

“No one could ever be as colorful as me,” Gaila snorted. “I want my drink back by the way.”

 

“Too bad,” Nyota stuck out her tongue.

 

Jim sighed, “What else can we ask?” he pondered, looking up at the ceiling. “Do you all do it on the rag?”

 

“EW!” Melanie shrieked, shaking her head furiously. “No way!”

 

Janice, Christine and Nyota nodded in agreement. “That’s just not something I’m down for,” Janice shrugged.

 

Gaila huffed, “Boringgggg!” she shook her head. “You can do it in the shower and avoid all the messy stuff.”

 

“Nope,” Melanie shook her head. “It’s bad enough that I bloat and have mood swings during those seven days. To stick a penis up in there? Chris knows better than to even attempt it.”

 

“Too much energy and preparation,” Christine shrugged. “Besides, Jan and I usually get it around the same time. And we’re too bitchy to even think about sex for that week.”

 

“So you and my brother are two lucky bastards,” Melanie grumbled. “You get to fuck everyday, three hundred and sixty-five days a year. Without the worry of fucking periods.”

 

Jim grinned, “And I take that in to full consideration every single night,” he said, winking at her.

 

Melanie rolled her eyes, “At least he’s getting laid now,” she sighed. “It’s lightened his mood up a bit since Christmas now that he’s getting fucked into the mattress on a daily basis.”

 

“And he is most definitely getting fucked into the mattress on a daily basis,” Jim snickered, as Melanie groaned. “I’m telling ya! Chris and I are going to be the best looking dudes out of everyone! You McCoy’s are wild.”

 

Nyota snorted into her drink, “You’re an idiot,” Melanie shook her head. “I hope my brother fucks you until you can speak for a while.”

 

  
“That’s happened more than once since we got together,” he shrugged. “That’s when you know the sex is really good, ladies. Losing your voice while screaming in pleasure!”

 

The conversation continued and the liquor and food flowed, as the hours went by. When Gaila announced that she had to use the bathroom, the conversation started to die down as the girls started to doze off. On the table, Jim’s phone began to buzz as an incoming text popped up from Leonard.

 

_You comin’ to the room sometime soon? It’s almost four in the mornin’ and I’m lonely._

“Shit, it’s a quarter to four!” Jim gasped, as he saw the time at the top of the phone. “I think we should call it a night.”

 

“Oh fuck!” Melanie scrambled to get her phone. “Chris is probably up waiting for me, too.”

 

Christine giggled, “Uh oh,” her eyes twinkled in delight. “I bet Mr. Pike is going to put you over his knee and give you a spanking.”

 

Melanie blushed as she checked the two missed texts from him, “He’s still up it looks like,” she sighed. “I guess the boys called it an early night with their manly drinking and boasting, huh?”

 

“Either that or Bones stayed for one drink or skipped it all together so Jo could spend some time with him,” Jim said, standing up. “Shit, I am beat.”

 

“Are we still going to the spa tomorrow?” Nyota asked, as she stood from her spot on the sofa.

 

Christine nodded, “But Miss Mellie here is going on a lunch date with Chris at one,” she rolled her eyes. “Gaila’s gonna be so mad that you’re not getting the seaweed wrap.”

 

The blonde snorted, “I don’t need some special beauty regiment like Gaila,” she said. “I’m getting my nails done and then I’m off. This is the last big vacation Chris and I are taking before I go back to work in the fall, and I want to make it special.”

 

“Special, “Jim snorted, collecting his sweatshirt and phone. “More like, “I’m going to fuck my fiancé in our fancy hotel room, while the skyline of Edinburgh shines upon us.”

 

“Not everyday that one could say that,” Janice sighed. “You two go on to your masters. Christine and I will clear up in here and walk Ny back to her room. God only knows when Scotty’s coming back and we all know Gaila’s going to jump him the second he walks through the door.”

 

……….

 

Leonard snorted in surprise as Jim planted a kiss on his cheek, flailing as the bed dipped and creaked. “Wuzzhat?” he mumbled, blinking in the dim lighting of their room. “Jim?”

 

“Shhh,” Jim whispered, as he kicked his shoes off. “Jo’s sleeping.”

 

“Hmmmm,” Leonard grumbled, shifting under the blanket. “Did you just get in?”

 

Jim nodded, as he got up to strip out of his clothes. “Girl talk went a little longer than expected,” he said, tossing the clothes onto the chair. “Learned some interesting things about your sister and Chris. And the others.”

 

One of Leonard’s eyes cracked open, watching as Jim climbed back into bed. “What about Mellie and Chris?” he asked, yawning. “Did they get married in a drunken episode again?”

 

“No,” Jim snorted. “More about their sex life, which is getting quite colorful.”

 

Leonard groaned, “I don’t want to know about my sister’s sex life, Jim,” he pulled the blankets up. “She’s still a virgin in my eyes. Doesn’t matter if she’s gettin’ married and havin’ babies with Chris in the near future.”

 

Jim reached across him, snapping the lights off, before snuggling next to him. “Oh hush,” he whispered, kissing just below his ear. “I know you’re not comfortable talking about sex with the others. But I like making the others jealous, especially when I make you feel real good.”

 

“Cocky sonvuabitch,” Leonard mumbled, as Jim wrapped is arm around his waist. “Who was the one that was whimperin’ and cryin’ last night, while being pinned down on their stomach?”

 

“Who’s the cocky son of a bitch now?” Jim asked, grinning against his neck. “I can’t help it if I like to gossip with the girls. You know the guys don’t want to hear about me fucking you in the ass.”

 

Leonard sighed, “They’d probably get a kick out of it,” he mumbled. “Especially if they want to try it on the girls. Then again, we all know Gaila’s done it with Scotty. She’s the female version of you.”

 

The blonde sighed, “She’s the reason why the sex conversation started,” he said. “Bragging about how married sex is going to be so great and shit.”

 

“ S’not,” Leonard mumbled into the crease of his arm. “Unless you’re a virgin on your wedding night and even then it’s probably horrible.”

 

“Our first time wasn’t horrible,” Jim pointed out. “It was fucking awesome.”

 

If it were possible, Jim could almost see Bones rolling his eyes in the darkness of their hotel room. “Fucking awesome alright,” he sighed. “As much as I want to talk to you after you went and left me to watch some horrendous cartoon with Jo,” he yawned. “It’s four in the morning and I want to sleep.”

 

Jim nodded, leaning forward to kiss him. “Go to sleep then,” he sighed. “I’ll order breakfast for you and Jo when I wake up and then we’ll take her out for a walk.”

“Hmmm,” Leonard nodded.  “Night, Jim.”

 

“Night Bones,” Jim yawned, wrapping himself tighter around him.

 

A brief moment of silence filled the room, before Jim opened his mouth again to speak.

 

“Your sister and Chris totally had anal sex and she cried.”

 

“DAMMIT JIM!”

 

 


End file.
